The Many Writings of

An Introduction to Blabodynamics: Why otherwise intelligent people cling to utterly stupid beliefs and concepts.

This is a new concept, so I’ll go slowly. Marshall Mcluhan, in his magnum opus “Understanding Media”, cautioned against disseminating too much new information at one time. As I recall, he said that if one presented to the world a new concept that contained more than ten percent new material, most of it wouldn’t be absorbed, and more than likely the whole shebang would end up in the trash, forgotten. I have therefore tried to make this presentation as simple as I possibly can without compromising the concept itself. I’ve given it the self-descriptor ‘Blabodynamics’, from the Staten Islandian root ‘Blabo’, to speak incessantly and inconsequentially, and dynamics, as in movement and interaction.

The study of Blabodynamics covers the entire field of spin, scrutinizing the journey of all the various species of mind-rot, from their veiled geneses to their final fruition, their apotheoses, as unquestioned substitutes for genuine thought processes. In order to grok Blabodynamics, you must first understand what I call ‘Blabodynamic loops’, or ‘Bloops’ for short, so let’s talk Bloops.

a Bloop is essentially a thought substitute, a pinch, a scoop or a slab of spin served up with a salacious leer, or pitched at you sideways with a regular-guy grin, or draped in cross-your-heart straight-faced pseudo-religio-patriotic unction. Once a Bloop penetrates the forebrain, it becomes a floating mote of brain spam. By itself a single Bloop is a nuisance, but a high concentration of Bloops literally take over the critical faculties of the Bloopee like crabgrass overrunning a sward of curly fescue. Once the Bloops achieve sufficient mass to dominate and subdue a mind, the result is a simplified person, or Simp.

A Simp looks and acts pretty much like a person who hasn’t been Blooped. The differences are subtle, but once you understand Bloops and begin to see them at work, they are hard to miss. How can you identify a Simp? Anyone who asks you who you think will win ‘American Idol’, or which bachelorette it will be, for starters. Anybody who thinks that what they drive, eat, or wear will somehow make them anything other than what they are is a Simp. In order to have compassion for Simps, an admittedly tall order because so much Simpery is maddening, one must remember that, for many of them, it’s not their fault that they’re Simps. A lot of them never had a chance. They were Blooped from the get go.

The reason that Bloops behave like a school of mental piranhas is because they are associative. They link one to another on a carrier stream of inanity, each Bloop seemingly harmless, but as they accumulate, they interconnect to form vast intricate webs of Bloops called Woops. A Mind infested with Woops is doomed to carom forever from Bloop to Bloop, thinking that it’s thinking.

As his mind becomes progressively overrun with Woops, the poor Simp morphs into a BloopSlave, or BS. BloopSlaves are easier to i.d. than Simps. The typical BS believes everything he sees on tv. When asked why he believes it, he’ll tell you it’s because he saw it on tv. You can see now how dangerous Bloops are because they mimic thought, and eventually replace it.

BloopSlaves, if they aren’t too far gone – meaning that they can dimly remember what it felt like to think – can reclaim their analytical faculties only by going through SElf-aWarEness Reactivation, or SEWER, as I call it. SEWER is admittedly not an attractive proposition . The acronym is appropriately self-descriptive. Unpleasant doesn’t even begin. It takes guts to go through the SEWER.

The SEWER method is close to tough love, but it must be so out of necessity. Most BSs don’t want their intellects to reawaken because they can no longer tolerate the discomfort brought about by thinking. That’s one of the nasty effects of Bloops. The unpleasant task of getting a BS to realize and admit that he’s infected is best left to a professional SEWER worker. It’s messy, and most folks don’t have the grit that the job demands. The subsequent withdrawal is the most delicate and critical phase, and about half the BSs that enter into the SEWER turn back at this point. But by persevering through the SEWER process, it is possible for a BS to free his mind of Woops.

SEWER candidates are screened for terminal symptoms, since those who are past the point of possible reclamation are only wasting their time in the SEWER, precious time that could be spent with viable candidates. No matter how long a terminal BS spends in the SEWER, he or she will never recover the use of their analytical faculty, which has completely atrophied from a lifetime of non-use. Scary stuff, huh? There are few things in this world more useless or more dangerous than a BS who thinks that he or she thinks, when all they are doing is swinging endlessly from Bloop to Bloop like a tree monkey on speed.

There are very, very few souls in our nation who haven’t been Blooped to some degree, and there are vast hordes of Bloopslaves, a lot of BSs. Even a short period of exposure to any form of mass communication can leave one unknowingly Blooped, and vulnerable to further blooping. Bloops are so entwined with the fabric of our culture that we have tacitly accepted a certain level of Bloopage as normal, and the rare person who is Bloopless is regarded with a modicum of distrust, somehow existing in a parallel but different universe, one that doesn’t share a common culture.

Pop culture, a puzzling oxymoron, is by definition an unlikely concatenation of Bloops. Our consumer economy depends upon Bloops to move the great heaving mass of BSs to empty both their pockets and their minds in the eternal quest for the hollow chimerical satisfaction that is the very spirit and élan vital of the BS life, another oxymoron.

Have I lost you yet? No? Good. There’s hope. Slogans are nearly always Bloops. A bloop, disguised as a slogan, can immobilize a mind faster than Mace can stop a pit bull. Any time you are being told that you need something, must have something, or oughta gotta go/do/think/get/be something, hello! - you’re being Blooped. Pick up a magazine – any magazine. Look at the cover. It’s usually festooned with Bloops. Any time you see a politician with his mouth moving, you’re being Blooped. Every pouty, panty-clad babe staring out at you from a billboard is Blooping you. Everywhere you go you are being bombarded with Bloops.

How, in the middle of this fierce bombardment, this shock and awe of Bloopery, can one preserve that vital analytical faculty that sees and rejects Bloops as the piss-poor thought substitutes that they are? How indeed? The only way to avoid becoming a BloopSlave is to question everything. Remember that just about every piece of information that floats past your nose is a potential Trojan horse jammed with Bloops.

How do Bloops originate? Where do they come from? Bloops don’t materialize magically. Or perhaps they do, in a sense. As products of our collective consciousness, or unconsciousness, they may be like those frozen methane deposits at the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle that occasionally thaw out and create enormous, ferociously smelly gas bubbles that rise explosively to the surface, breaking ships like toothpicks. I saw that on the Discovery Channel.

What is far more likely is that people like you and me are part of some demographic group that’s been targeted by a Blooper, a person or group that stands to profit by turning you into a Simp. Remember, the only way to protect yourself is to question everything, whether it’s a seemingly insignificant little local Bloop (Bloc) or a big Federally Invasive Bloop (FIB). Question every Bloop! It’s the only antidote to BS. Well, maybe not the only one. There’s always the SEWER.