7/6/98 - I had the most godawful dream
I had the most godawful dream. Normally I wouldn't reveal the intimate
details of my rich and extremely baroque dream life, but this one was such
a doozy that I need to share, to bare my sick psyche to you devoted,
caring, insightful souls, for the simple reason that, while I am normally a
wizard at deciphering my own bizarre butter churn of imagery, I can't
unravel this particularly Gordian slumberfest.
At first, I though it might be the aftereffect of my late night snack of
dark beer, high-density chocolate chip cookies, undyed pistachios, lo-fat
Neapolitan ice milk, aquavit, fluffernutter and leftover Caesar salad
croutons. But then why wouldn't I have a dream this dreadful every night?
It just didn't make sense. But enough of the circumstantial gristle.
Let's get right to the meat.
In my procrustean subconscious maelstrom, I dreamed that we sat in an
airport all day, fidgeting impatiently, waiting for a flight to a concert
somewhere in Middle America. The plane was scheduled to take off at 1:30
in the afternoon, but there was a raging storm, so as flights were canceled
the airport gradually filled with snoozing, snacking, restive travelers,
until there were people so thick on the floor that one couldn't get a
double mocha latte without stepping on bodies. Pretty frightening already,
no? Our plane didn't board until 5:30, and then sat on the runway in the
deluge until after 8:00. I was wedged into a middle seat between two
quarrelsome women who jabbered incessantly in some unrecognizable Asian
tongue while their babies screamed and soiled their diapers. The flight
attendants fought with the strange women while their tots' infernal stench
made my ears buzz. As compensation for my discomfiture I was given a small
bag containing eleven salty, greasy peanuts. Why eleven, I wonder?
Our flight arrived in some nondescript midway cookie-cutter airport late
that night, after a scarifying ride through a raving El Nino diatribe. I
stumbled off the plane white-knuckled, woozy and totally freaked that, for
the first time in the history of the band, show time had come and gone and
we hadn't even seen the stage (my usual classic anxiety dream). Now this
is weird - somehow Elliott had gotten there ahead of the rest of us, like
he had wings or something. One of those unexplainable dream-things, I
suspect. There were thousands of disappointed fans,and El had tried his
best to placate them by singing all the baritone parts to every Rockapella
song. It hadn't worked. We were met at the plane by some Joe in a shirt
that said 'Big Stink America' across the back (maybe the recurring theme
of olfactory offense is the key to this nightmare), "You're too late", he
smirked. "But what about our fans and friends?", we asked. "Won't they be
disappointed, even angry at us?".
Now here comes the strangest part of the dream. After spending the night
in a Holiday Inn overflowing with prom-going revelers (the nightmare inside
the nightmare), we actually sang anyway, albeit the next day. And we did
it for no money. None. Zippo. That's when I knew I was in a dream, and a
vile one at that. In my twisted twilight, we were actually given a wildly
manic intro by our ex-bandmate, Sean (now what does that mean?), and then
we did a kickass show. I was tempted to shatter the shackles of Morpheus
at this point, but the morbid curiosity of the id in R.E.M. goaded me on.
The grinning, sticky-fingered promoter refused to pay us, and when we tried
to reason with him, snakes, nonsense and flubber spewed from all his
various orifices. It was terrifying. The only relief, aside from
awakening from such a fiendish fiasco, slowing my palpitating pulse and
showering off the cold sweat, was knowing that these things don't happen in
real life.
So after all that, what does this mean? Is it my own fear of failure, my
subconscious desire to humiliate myself in front of all of you with
hideously embarrassing antisocial miasmas, or the product of my own
unsavory gustatory creations? Maybe all three? Or something else, some
hidden reptilian menace lurking in the Loch Ness of my own debased cranium,
waiting for us to reach the pinnacle of fame before it flashes to the
surface in it's own self-destructive attempt to sabotage the lofty
trajectory of our comet-like career. Is it just a horribly mixed metaphor,
unsalvageable and ugly? My hope is that by exposing this creature of
darkness to the bright light of loving scrutiny, it will be banished
forever from my psyche. Help me, please.
4/21/98 - Maui, Molokai, Lahaina, Oahu, Lanai
The names slip off the tongue like
coconut milk off a silver salver, like cocoa butter off the smooth brown
flanks of a dusky wahine. Tropical paradise. Lei's and Luau's. Pork chops
and poi. Exotic fragrant blossoms, swaying palm trees, rainbows over
rainforests, the plangent calls of kaleidoscopic birds echoing off the
trunks of massive hardwood trees, their canopies alive with chittering,
jabbering, buzzing, yammering wildlife in massive tumbledown,
vine-encrusted profusion. Have I seen any of this? No. But I did read
all the swell pamphlets at the airport while waiting hopelessly for my lost
luggage. I know that the magic of Hawaii is out there, waiting to seduce
me with it's scope and splendor. I've spent most of my days and nights in
that imaginatively named oh-so-very-Grand Ballroom at the Ritz Carlton
Maui, crooning to the top doggies of the IBM sales force while garbed in a
stunning variety of costumes of positively medieval discomfort and yearning
for a few brief moments in the brilliant sunshine lurking mockingly outside
the heavily guarded vault-like stage doors.
We've reached the apex, the zenith, the alpha and omega of industrial
theater, my friends. If you could only see us waddling triumphantly about
the small thrust-stage in our sexy, lime-green neoprene wetsuits, replete
with booties and fins, dazzling in black light, your hearts would swell with
proprietary pride. Or the custom-made gold lame shirts that make us look
like one of the finest lounge acts the Flamingo ever coughed up. Or my
fave, Jeffy in his robin's-egg-blue taffeta sweat pants and
geriatric-Fire-Island-beach-set shirt. I could go on and on, but I think
I've already violated some sort of confidentiality code thrice over, and
I'm gonna get whacked. If not by IBM, then certainly by Jeff.
But don't waste your precious life force on pity. As I sit with my travel
mug of steaming, fresh-ground Kona, gazing out from my condo lanai across
the immaculate 9th green of the Kapalua course to the azure Pacific and
Molokai rising majestically from the mists, fresh from my workout and a
spin in my red 'stang ragtop, I ain't feeling too poorly. What's a
little humiliation and discomfort when the upside is nearly a month in
Eden? Not bloody much, that's what. The unholy alliance of industry and
theater has its perks.
Coming soon to a small screen near you: A rockin Rockapella merch
catalog thinly disguised as a Folger's coffee commercial. Two of them, in
fact. Next month we spend four days in LA shooting an encomium for my
favorite beverage and drug of choice. What began as a perky little radio
spot has metastasized into a full-blown made-for-tv epic about us and our
close, loving relationship to java and its all-important metabolic
frenzy-enhancing jitterbug, caffeine. And say, have you heard our little
pseudo-barbershop radio ditty for Hertz (they're number one) rental cars?
Cute. Very cute. And of course our now-classic Mounds & Almond Joy spots
are enjoying a renaissance on your wireless. The 'Where in the Universe is
Carmen Sandiego' planetarium show is rolling out in the US and Canada, and
our soon-to-be-legendary PSA (that's Public Service Announcement) video
with newly-inducted TV Hall of Famer Bob Keshan (that's Captain Kangaroo)
about the new tv rating system has just become available to any and all
concerned citizens. And our very own full-length DVD videodisc with
multi-channel surround sound for that 'you are there' feeling is only
breathless moments away from release with legions of computers and DVD
players around the world. We're riding the crest of a titanic tsunami of
marketing toys, poised to flood, inundate, swamp the archetypal
consciousness of our fair globe with our image and likeness and joyful
noise.
Concerts? Don't be ridiculous. Too much work. And besides, who has time?
2/13/98 - NYC
Happy Valentines Day!
© Barry Carl 1998
It's that time of year when rotund, chubby-cheeked Eros uses your booty for
target practice, florists become Fagans, and we exchange cheap chocolate that
nobody wants and fantasy lingerie that nobody wears, all in the name of Love!
Stop the madness. Diamonds are worthless, furs just ain't PC. Give something
meaningful, like a CD. Or us... something that will last past that first
ephemeral rush of pleasure, something of true intrinsic value, something of
undeniable, lasting worth. Don't fall into the edible panties gap, or mistake
the gaudy, lace-encrusted ceremonial velvet heart filled with empty calories for
a truly loving, heartfelt gift. If you must succumb to the overbearing commercial
pressure of this faux holiday for a de-commissioned saint, do it with music. Ours.
Luv,
Bear